Villanelle

Love Story

I’m your Valentine, I’m yours forever
Of course you love me, worship, deify.

You bring me gifts – gold, frankincense, myrrh.

You married me, let no man sever ……
You saw but a single star in the sky.
I’m your valentine, I’m yours forever.

“I told you that” ….”Yeah right, whatever…”
You’re sick of my voice, my whine, my sigh .
You bring me gifts – gold, frankincense, myrrh.

I begged for a choice. “No!” you said. “Never!”
Decisions are yours, I daren’t ask why.
I’m your Valentine, I’m yours forever.

Your stupid cow, I’m not that clever,
do as I’m told, I bloody comply.
You bring me gifts – gold, frankincense, myrrh

Love’s no more, there’s nothing bleaker
No escape in life, unless I die.
I’m your Valentine, I’m yours forever.
You bring me gifts, gold, frankincense, myrrh.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Villanelle

  1. raefonb

    Hi, nice work as there is a complex situation conveyed by this form and the direct, no-nonsense voice. The reader is encouraged to read between the lines.

    I think a comma got forgotten after the refrains of “gold”, or was it deliberate? Also, “bleaker” threw me off due to being accustomed to the perfect rhymes throughout; but it’s potentially cool to break the rules with a feminine rhyme instead.

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  2. ecopoetics

    I think the mixture of the literary and the profane/ everyday works really well here. Not sure about “sever”: I feel it twists an otherwise direct line. Now that you’ve got the stanza pattern down, a bit of work on rhythm and line length could bring out the force of the contrasts. Whereas your other villanelle is almost too smooth, perhaps there’s a bit too much chop here?

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