Raef: tasks for Week 5

Terza Rima [attempt]

Scene beyond window screens
swipes, switches, from stop to stop:
scuffles of kids roaming streets

and loaded up on alcopops,
Smurf-like faces flashing blue
as they duck and dodge the cops;

curtains open onto living-rooms
that pulsate with the throbbing bore
of TV trapping people in boxy tombs,

sole goal of seeing their team score;
rows of houses, houses full of rows,
it goes on until I can take no more;

too many lines ridge a housewife’s brow;
folk who lined up for the Job Centre
are forming a line at the ATM now;

dog pisses on a hubcap, while its owner
thumbs through Twitter; and several feet away,
a transaction: dealer and teenage stoner

exchange cash for brief, smoke-cloud escape.
Those who can’t stand their own stasis
use pills and potions to speed up each day.

The lengths someone will go to waste it
depend on how bitter the life they’ve tasted.

 

Rhyme Royal [attempt]

Overhead announcement guy says nothing.
Thank you, can’t cope with character right now.
All the tornadoes bring twentysomethings,
And they all bring their need to prove themselves.
When do we sacrifice the holy cows?
My stories aren’t sacred, they make you yawn –
Not fodder for screenplays. They script your scorn.

 

SONNET 18(b)

Shall I compare thee to a warm dog turd**?
You are as pungent; something to avoid;
Mistake regretted, like a sentence slurred.
Love pulled me under when it should have buoyed.
Scoop up reminders (bag ‘em and bin ‘em),
Flush toilet-bowl heart and scrub at the stains.
Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win ‘em
Say flies caught in cobwebs on window panes –
Reminding me that things could be much worse,
Although we both know there once was a time
I saw no future, other than a hearse,
And all because you were no longer mine.
Dogs and people are full of the same stuff
But we don’t admit it, and call ours ‘love’.

 

(**No, I don’t know either why this theme keeps recurring. Apologies!)

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2 thoughts on “Raef: tasks for Week 5

  1. ecopoetics

    These are impressive, energetic at the level of image, packing much into small spaces. What I’m focused on now is the tendency to break lines along with syntax. (Notice how the lines of the sonnet, for instance, stack on top of one another.) What if you tried more enjambment, energizing the lines by breaking (now and then) against the syntax?

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  2. raefonb Post author

    Thanks, Jonathan. Does “against the syntax” mean not ending lines where punctuation indicates the poem should pause (full-stops/semi-colons etc.) and instead breaking the line earlier? Sorry, trying to make sure I understand. For instance:

    Scene beyond
    window screens swipes,
    switches, from stop
    to stop: scuffles of kids
    roaming streets

    and loaded up
    on alcopops, Smurf-like
    faces flashing blue

    ?

    Like

    Reply

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